S S S || A Tad Bit Grey Finale
Read the first part here
I decided to pay my ‘boyfriend’ a visit on a certain weekend, I had packed some clothes, underwear and my toothbrush which I was going to need for the weekend. I had spare keys to Sammy’s apartment which I used from time to time when he wasn’t at home. I rang his bell a couple of times and he didn’t answer. Getting the bunch of keys from my bag was a struggle as it seemed to be buried deep somewhere. I finally got the keys and started trying each one of them, I wasn’t really sure of the right one. After trying almost all of them, I finally opened the lock. I took off my shoes after dusting them on the door mat and walked into his living room and the first thing I noticed were some black block heeled sandals on the floor. I didn’t own those.
‘Sam?’ I called, deciding to ignore the shoes. No answer. I decided to go upstairs to check if he was taking a shower and I saw what I wasn’t meant to. Sam had two girls with him and he was getting well entertained. I was in shock, not knowing what to say. I could feel my face heat up, my nose burned, my hands were shaking, tears poured down but I couldn’t utter word, I just looked on. By the time he noticed I was there, standing by the door, he got up from the bed and walked towards me, acting like nothing had happened.
‘Please, let’s talk outside. I don’t want my guests to hear us.’
Guests? I didn’t know when I slapped him, it was kind of relieving, like I poured out most of the anger which boiled up inside me. He stared at me before saying, ‘See, it’s actually not what it looks like, Naj. I just wanted to test different waters, you know. It’s just an adventure. I would let you do the same.’ I had no reply to what he said and I don’t know how I got downstairs but the only thing I remember was a feminine voice shouting from above, ‘Delete his number, girl.’ I chose to believe it was my guardian angel, the one who betrayed me and decided to engage in sexual intercourse with my boyfriend.
I had never felt so alone, the only person I could talk to, had just betrayed me. The Sammy I knew could never hurt a fly, he probably was influenced by his friends or something. I wondered about it every night as I cried myself to sleep after talking to my parents on the newspaper.
The last time I remember talking to them, I told them I loved them and bade them farewell. Someone had hooked me up with some pills and I took an overdose, the only thing I remember doing was crying and holding the newspaper with my parents’ picture on it.
I tried to open my eyes but shut them back as soon I saw the unwelcoming beam of light coming into my pupils. I wondered how long my eyes were shut for them to have reacted that way.
‘She’s awake.’ A voice I had never heard before. A feminine voice. ‘How are feeling, Naj?’
I tried to talk but no words came out so I nodded instead.
‘That’s great!’ she replied, I assume she was smiling. ‘Dr. Peters is coming to check on you soon but in the meantime, you have a visitor.’
My vision was blurred when I finally managed to open my eyes, standing in front of me were two figures. A man and a woman, I knew because I could see her red lipstick and feminine figure, probably the woman who spoke to me earlier.
‘Where am I?’ I fought the words out of my mouth.
That was the name of a famous hospital in town, what the hell was I doing in a hospital?
‘Hey Naj.’ I recognised the voice.
‘You tried to kill yourself, Naj. What were you thinking?’
‘Get out!’ I yelled.
I didn’t notice when the woman, who I now suspected to be a nurse, had left, and she came running back in.
‘Sorry mister, but you’ll have to leave now or we’ll be forced to call security.’
‘Alright.’ He said, stepping backwards. ‘I care about you, Naj. I’ll be back.’
Those were the last words he said to me because I never let him see me. He came every single day for some days until I finally stopped hearing anything about him or seeing him from the small space left when the door to my ward wasn’t properly shut.
Sammy had been the one who brought me to the hospital. He came over to my apartment to see me and when I wasn’t responding, he broke in and saw me almost lifeless on the floor, called 911 and I ended up at Jordan’s, but I didn’t want to see the man who practically saved my life and I didn’t feel selfish about it in any way.
I watched TV a lot, I didn’t have that luxury at my apartment. The news channel was on and it was reported that there had been an accident, a car crash, it was Sammy. Car accidents and the people I loved seemed to get along just well. He was drunk-driving and got hit by a truck, died on the spot.
‘Why didn’t I let Sammy see me? Why was I being so selfish?’
Different thoughts ran through my head as I cried my eyes out. That was when I realised I still loved him.
Things would have worked out if I wasn’t so selfish or so unforgiving but I didn’t deserve that anyway, being cheated on, like I didn’t matter. But I had just learned about Jesus and if I were to be like Him, I would truly forgive and that was when I decided to forgive Sammy, it could never be too late.
His burial date had been fixed and I decided to attend, even though I wasn’t yet discharged. I put on a black dress and the cute black shoes he had gotten me on my last birthday, I looked good. Looked good one last time for Sammy. I had never seen his foster parents before; his mother, African – American and his father, an American most likely, all I knew was, he was Caucasian. We had the service of songs and I heard little or nothing of what the priest was saying, all I wanted to do was get in the casket with Sammy and be with him for as long as I could.
I finally got to see him and there he laid, cold, with a little smile on his face. I guess he wanted me to see him that way before he gave up the ghost. He was also a tad bit grey. His complexion. I reached out to touch his hand, one last time. His foster mother came up to us, weeping a lot, calling out to him to answer and be her baby again but all I could say was, “Sammy really loved you.” That probably didn’t do any good because she kept on crying and I wasn’t too good at comforting people.
She must have truly loved him but not as much as I did, she would never ignore his apology but I never knew the love of a mother. I looked back at Sammy, remembering all the days we spent in my garden and how he stole my first kiss, I smiled. I had known Sammy since forever, in my head. That was what I loved to think, now he was gone and bluish. Almost twenty one.